Why Positive Self-Talk Is Important And How To Make It Become Second Nature

It’s official. Self-love has become a crime. Socially, that is, but who knows? Maybe, from the way we’re heading, people will be getting locked up in prison for it sooner than we think. 

That may seem a dramatic declaration, but I genuinely don’t think people are fully aware of how commonplace negative self-talk has become, to the point where someone actually admitting they love themselves in today’s society is met with utter shock-horror.

Just have a little think about it: how many times have you denied a compliment about yourself instead of simply saying ‘thank you’? When was the last time you introduced something you’d created by saying ‘I know it’s rubbish, but…’ or started a question with ‘It probably sounds stupid, but…’? What about the amount of times we apologise for silly things that don’t need an apology? Like expressing an unpopular (aka original) opinion, or when the beginning of somebody else’s sentence happens to interrupt the middle of yours. (Like, seriously though.)

Even if you can’t remember doing any of those consciously, I think we can all agree that there is, or at least has been, a part of us which is scared to openly express love for ourselves. Whether it be in fear of being called ‘vain’, ‘stuck up’, ‘selfish’ or simply through a lack of confidence, it’s just a no-go in society’s eyes. You know, how you dare actually live happily and freely in your own body filled with thoughts of love, appreciation and compassion for all things. The audacity of contentment with oneself, right? Uh, WRONG.

This has to stop. Now.

Do I love myself? YES.
If I could be anyone in this world, who would I be? MYSELF.
No but really, if you could magically change anything about yourself what would it be? NOTHING.

This post is written for all of you lovely humans who are unable to respond with the same answers as me yet. 

Now of course, when I say I wouldn’t change anything about myself, I don’t mean that I think I’ve reached the peak of my self-development. I mean that I’m completely at ease with myself whilst striving to become better each and every day. The operative word was ‘magically’. As human beings, all we ever do is change. And the sheer joy of it is to be found within the process, not the end result. The key is to be happy NOW, whilst you work towards something even better. That is what we call the optimal vantage point.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room with your nose in the air, and thinking you are better than everyone else. It’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone in the first place.”

When I tell people to love themselves and have only positive self-talk, many get confused and end up crossing the line between confidence and arrogance. When really, your growth has nothing to do with what anybody else is doing. I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener. In the context of this post, positive self-talk does not mean fishing for compliments through underestimating your own ability. Posting a selfie with the caption ‘Like if you think I’m pretty!’ is not positive self-talk at all – in fact, it’s the complete opposite. Know your immeasurable worth without needing other people to validate it. Your thoughts about yourself should stem from a place of contentment, not fear and doubt that others won’t share your views or appreciate you enough.

There’s no need to go unnecessarily shoving your achievements in people’s faces in a manner that screams ‘I’m better than you’, but there’s a way to simply say ‘Here is something I’ve created which I’m really proud of’ without the apologies and negative self-talk.

I wish I could create a simple step-by-step guide on how to master self-love for you guys, but it’s so much simpler (and yet harder at the same time) than that. Self-love isn’t a result that suddenly comes to you once you’ve completed a series of tasks, it’s a mind-set that comes from within and is the driving-force behind everything you do. It is a vibrational stance that is achieved through feeling good as strongly, and as frequently, as possible. 

Here are a few of my tips to ensure you’re on the right track:

1. Be careful and conscious with your words. Notice every time you wrongly apologise or downgrade one of your achievements and remind yourself of your worth. Vow to consciously ensure your self-talk is purely positive. Soon it will become second nature.

2. Focus on what you do like about yourself. You’ll find that soon enough all the other things you once disliked won’t matter at all anymore.

3. Every time a negative thought about yourself pops into your head, replace it with a positive one. One that feels good, like pure BLISS. Feel the force bubbling up inside you. How powerful it feels to be at one with your true self.

4. If you hear someone else’s opinion and find that it’s bothering you, remind yourself “It is none of my business what other people think of me.”

5. You can’t control other people; you can only control yourself. But you don’t need to remember that as you won’t have any desire to change others once you’re in alignment with your true self.

6. Share the love!!! Celebrate others’ achievements as if they are your own. Feeding into their pure positive energy will work wonders. Seriously, it’s the kind of energy level that miracles are created from. The Universe doesn’t know if it’s *truly* happening to Beyoncé, or to you – so throw a party over her latest Grammy win if it really makes you happy. When you experience thoughts of jealousy over the success of others, you’re telling the Universe that you do not think you are worthy of achieving that goal yourself.

When it comes down to it, you would not be here if the Universe didn’t want you to be. Don’t waste time hating something just because the popular kids don’t think it’s ‘cool’ to love it – because that really is just the equivalent to this situation when you think about it.

Whatever you believe in, I know our source is one of pure love, not condemnation. The flow of wellbeing is natural and destined for every single human being. Don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

Sending love & positive vibes to you all on your journey… X

PS. This post was rejected from a feminist lifestyle blog (which I won't name for their sake) for apparently not embodying their positive message. If you feel this post has helped you in anyway, I'd love if you could let me know below! At the end of the day, I know it's their loss. I'm so glad I get to share my words with you lovely lot instead. 

TWITTER | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | BLOGLOVIN'